The Dream

The sun was shining brightly in the clear winter sky. Whether the groundhog, El Nino, or global warming was the culprit, the Spring like temperatures in February was welcomed. My mothers hair danced in the gentle breeze and her skin glistened in the sunlight. I ignored the pit in my stomach, and pushed forward with all the courage I could muster.
"I I I 'm giving up every everything to be be become a gyspy." I stuttered with less eloquence than a frog in a tuxedo.
I could see the shock, pain and horror twist in my mother's face as she moved her dainty hand to her sweat beaded temple. In a moment, she cried and fell to the ground. I ran to her side and bent down to hold her face in my hands as the world began a downward spiral. Her breath was shallow and pulse weak. I held her in my arms as she slipped away and the sirens screamed in the distance. 

I awoke from my dream soaked in sweat and breathing like the half ton man after a hour of cardio.  My greatest fears of seeking my new life and achieving my dreams, was that it would hurt or disappoint my family in some way. I wanted to detach from pleasing others, but not at the cost of such an important and close relationship.

Finding the dream was easy, achieving it was a different and multi-step process. It involved freeing my mind to new experiences, ridding it of preconceptions and leaping forward into the unknown with my full trust in God. My first post, The Search outlined the process of discovering my dream, and the long process of gathering the courage to pursue it. Then, I had to do the work of making that dream become a reality. At this point in the process, it was time to break the news to my family and close friends.

I had good news and was bursting from the seams to share it. Yet, I knew that because it was non-traditional and different from anything we had ever known or experienced before, the recipients of the news may not share in my joy. Whether it be the inability to think outside of the social norm, the lack of knowledge about the lifestyle or the general concern for our well being, it would be a challenge to accept.

It took about a week to tell the mothers, grandmothers, siblings and close friends. Despite my dreams, no one died, cried or even yelled. The general consensus was disappointment that the "big" news wasn't a new baby, followed by tons of questions about what the lifestyle actually means. Many even misunderstood and a few tried to correct me, "You mean mobile home." 

Once explained that we wanted to live in an MOTOR home instead of a traditional home, the concerns arose. The general concerns were: safety, money, storage, tornadoes and our personal belongings. Luckily, I do nothing without thinking, researching, praying, researching more, praying some more and again researching. So when these questions and concerns came about, I had answers. While I could tell some disagreed with our choice and plan, the ability to back the choice with well thought out answers quelled majority of the concerns. I had read many horror stories about the process of sharing the news with family, but luckily, we are blessed with people that love us and trust our decisions as long as they know we are safe, happy and healthy. What a blessing! After telling every one the news, what a relief and sweet dreams!

While the news was accepted, I must admit that relationships changed. Distance began to grow as differences, views, lifestyles, and hobbies evolved. We were never quite on the "same" page as others, but felt that we could relate. After living the lifestyle, I struggled to find "normal" topics of conversation so that I would feel connected to friends and family. For example, many people I know were gossiping about Whitney Houston's death. I was an avid fan growing up, and was saddened to hear of her passing. Yet, I was not as interested as my peers about if it was drug related, why Bobby left the funeral or who spoke at the memorial. I am more interested in good parks, new places and other outdoor adventures.

Some relationships remained strong, those were the ones that would survive a nuclear holocaust. Others, revealed a superficial relationship, ones that were based on areas that are undergoing drastic changes. While I am sad to see some relationships strained or lost, I welcome the growth in my life that creates these losses. Despite my mourning the lost relationships, I also welcome the transition and  the change it brings. And with this opportunity and change, I welcome the possibility of experiencing new people, places and adventures. 

“I don't paint dreams or nightmares, I paint my own reality.” 
― Frida Kahlo

“Nightmares exist outside of logic, and there's little fun to be had in explanations; they're antithetical to the poetry of fear.” 
― Stephen King

“A nightmare might force you awakened. 
The tough life might force you awakened.” 
― Toba Beta

The Search

As a little girl, I remember the excitement I felt on the Fourth of July. Unlike most children who would stare awestruck at the bright and loud blazes of light dancing across the night sky I remember the feeling in my chest when I watched the American flag waving in the summer breeze, when I heard the star spangled banner streaming from the radio and my head swirled with the images of freedom, liberty and pursuit of happiness. I was taught that these intangible ideals were a gift, an opportunity for someone like me, a young Puertorican girl in Brooklyn, New York, United States of America. My mother was the first generation of main-lander… in other words all Puertoricans are born US citizens but my mother’s generation was the first actually born here in the States. So, for my family, the ability to go to school and pursue career, home and all the fancy things in life was the way out, the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow.  In the years to follow, I adopted this American dream as my own and set out on a journey to pursue that dream of a college education, career, family with a husband, two children, home and dog… in other words I wanted it all.

 

It wasn’t long before my dreams and goals began to come into fruition, I attended college, climbed the ladder in my field of choice, found a mate and even contrary to medical knowledge bore a son.  Yet, something was wrong. Despite my ability to set goals and achieve, to face adversity and conquer, to work and grow, I felt stifled and unfulfilled.  As a spiritual person, I thought maybe I wasn’t spiritually strong enough, or connected enough in my relationship with my creator, or maybe needed work or growth. I found myself battling depression because despite what I did, it seemed the more I achieved my dreams, the more troubled my mind was. Did Biggie really get this one right? No…surely that couldn’t be.

So, in a bit of denial, I set out on a journey, one of spirit, prayer, learning and discovery. I searched for the source of my distress and a solution. I began to read and study, I found myself in prayer and meditating to evaluate myself inward. I was not wholly surprised by what I found, rather surprised that I had strayed so far from where and who I needed to be. While I attained the understanding of where I needed to be, the challenge was how to get there and where to find the courage to begin the journey. In addition to fear, surprise and uncertainty, I also felt the slightest elation, for at least I now had direction. To start working on the solution, I first had to address the problem: my dreams were never my own, at least not truly.

When I began the journey into adulthood, majority of my motivation was to please my family, I wanted more than anything for them to be proud of my accomplishments. But as I aged, instead of adding myself to the list, I added others to that list. By mid-twenties, I wanted to please my mate, amaze my employers, impress friends, be a good citizen, friendly neighbor and be the envy of acquaintances (and after a while even strangers). I found myself engrossed and obsessed with what others thought and felt about me.  I found myself sleepless at night,  my mind dizzy from dancing endless circles wondering about the things I could have done better and ways to get things I wanted. I worried if the ever mounting pressure continued,  my once resilient self would buckle and I’d get a one way ticket to the cuckoos closet. I found that I could hide the disruption of myself only so long, despite my hidden talent of putting on happy face. Soon people began to notice that the once happy, outgoing and fun person I once was had gone missing. I had been replaced with a socially avoidant, stressed shell of a person who was a stranger to the same family and friends whom I had once adored.  The next step did not restore any kind of relief either. In fact it was far from relief, it was worry and concern expressed in phrases like, are you for real…no seriously for real for real? 

From the reactions, you would think that I hit rock bottom, or was in need of a doctor’s supervision.  Quite the contrary, for the first time in my life I found a new dream. A dream all my own, outside of what others wanted or society deemed proper. I dug into my own soul and found the core of what made me happy and discarded anything and everything else. I decided that I wanted to change my life completely… that my life of living for family and myself would begin and my slavery to pleasing the world was over.

This transition was not overnight. In fact it is still in progress now. But at least the search is over. I know what I want for my life, the anxiety of impressions and appearance is over, the importance of objects and materialism no longer imprison me and I am finally free to be happy with myself, my mate and my son, what ever and where ever life brings us. The best part is that I found that the attachment to all of these things actually kept me distracted from real life. Now, I am free to see, experience and live all the beauty created by God without the haze of greed, desire and vanity.

I invite you to begin your own search for what makes you truly happy and to find the courage to pursue it. As for my family and I, we are beginning our own journey. Our next step is to secure our new dream home, a motor home, then begin the purge of our materialism. Follow us as we find our home, liquidate 80-90% of our wordly goods, and strip down to the actual essentials in life before we start out in our new dream life.

Stay posted for the story of our life as The Golden Gypsies as it unfolds...

Below are some quotes I found that were inspiration to us on our Search:

"It is preoccupation with possessions, more than anything else that prevents us from living freely and nobly." –Henry David Thoreau

"Any so called material thing that you want is not for itself but because it will content your spirit for the moment." -Mark Twain

“Cure yourself of the affliction of caring how you appear to others. Concern yourself only with how you appear before God, concern yourself only with the idea that God may have of you.”
- Miguel de Unamuno quotes

"Much of our activity these days is nothing more than a cheap anesthetic to deaden the pain of an empty life."–Unknown

"There is something perverse about more than enough. When we have more, it is never enough. It is always somewhere out there, just out of reach. The more we acquire, the more elusive enough becomes." –Unknown

"Lust is all get. Love is all give." –Unknown

"Materialism is the only form of distraction from true bliss." –Doug Horton

"So many people walk around with a meaningless life. They seem half asleep, even when they’re busy doing things they think are important. This is because they’re chasing the wrong things. The way you get meaning into your life is to devote yourself to your community around you and devote yourself to creating something that gives you purpose and meaning." -Morrie Schwartz

"Reduce the complexity of life by eliminating the needless wants of life and the labors of life reduce themselves."-Edwin Way Teale

"Do not think me mad. It is not to make money that I believe a Christian should live. The noblest thing a man can do is, just humbly to receive and then go amongst others and give." –David Livingstone

The following quotes were taken from Present Day Nomads @ www.presentdaynomads.com---->

 “Doing what you want to do is life, and there is no real satisfaction in living if we are compelled to be forever doing something which we do not like to do and can never do what we want to do. And it is certain that you can do what you want to do. The desire to do it is proof that you have within you the power which can do it.”

— Wallace D Wattles, Science of Getting Rich.

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” — Mark Twain

“To live is the rarest thing in the world. Most people exist, that is all.” — Oscar Wilde

“A table, a chair, a bowl of fruit and a violin; what else does a man need to be happy?” — Albert Einstein

“To find out what you love to do demands a great deal of intelligence; because, if you are afraid of not being able to earn a livelihood, or of not fitting into this rotten society, then you will never find out.

But, if you are not frightened, if you refuse to be pushed into the groove of tradition by your parents, by your teachers, by the superficial demands of society, then there is a possibility of discovering what it is you really love to do. So, to discover, there must be no fear of not surviving.” — Krishnamurti

“In any moment of decision the best thing you can do is the right thing, the next best thing is the wrong thing, and the worst thing you can do is nothing.”— Theodore Roosevelt

“I would rather be a failure at something I love to do than a success at something I hate.” — George Burns

“Live life fully while you’re here. Experience everything. Take care of yourself and your friends. Have fun, be crazy, be weird. Go out and screw up! You’re going to anyway, so you might as well enjoy the process. Take the opportunity to learn from your mistakes. Find the cause of your problem and eliminate it. Don’t try to be perfect; just be an excellent example of being human.” — Anthony Robbins

“When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left and could say, ‘I used everything you gave me.’”— Erma Bombeck

“Your time is limited, so don’t waste it living someone else’s life. Don’t be trapped by dogma – which is living with the results of other people’s thinking. Don’t let the noise of others’ opinions drown out your own inner voice. And most importantly, have the courage to follow your heart and intuition. They somehow already know what you truly want to become. Everything else is secondary.” — Steve Jobs

“The one piece of advice I can give you is, do what turns you on. Do something that if you had all the money in the world, you’d still be doing it. You’ve got to have a reason to jump out of bed in the morning.” — Warren Buffet

“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter and those who matter don’t mind!” — Dr. Seuss

“Gandhi already did Gandhi, Mother Theresa did Mother Theresa so well, and Martin Luther King, he did Martin great! You be you! You be you! You be you! Who else could do you like you anyway” — Reverend Michael Beckwith