Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Dream

The sun was shining brightly in the clear winter sky. Whether the groundhog, El Nino, or global warming was the culprit, the Spring like temperatures in February was welcomed. My mothers hair danced in the gentle breeze and her skin glistened in the sunlight. I ignored the pit in my stomach, and pushed forward with all the courage I could muster.
"I I I 'm giving up every everything to be be become a gyspy." I stuttered with less eloquence than a frog in a tuxedo.
I could see the shock, pain and horror twist in my mother's face as she moved her dainty hand to her sweat beaded temple. In a moment, she cried and fell to the ground. I ran to her side and bent down to hold her face in my hands as the world began a downward spiral. Her breath was shallow and pulse weak. I held her in my arms as she slipped away and the sirens screamed in the distance. 

I awoke from my dream soaked in sweat and breathing like the half ton man after a hour of cardio.  My greatest fears of seeking my new life and achieving my dreams, was that it would hurt or disappoint my family in some way. I wanted to detach from pleasing others, but not at the cost of such an important and close relationship.

Finding the dream was easy, achieving it was a different and multi-step process. It involved freeing my mind to new experiences, ridding it of preconceptions and leaping forward into the unknown with my full trust in God. My first post, The Search outlined the process of discovering my dream, and the long process of gathering the courage to pursue it. Then, I had to do the work of making that dream become a reality. At this point in the process, it was time to break the news to my family and close friends.

I had good news and was bursting from the seams to share it. Yet, I knew that because it was non-traditional and different from anything we had ever known or experienced before, the recipients of the news may not share in my joy. Whether it be the inability to think outside of the social norm, the lack of knowledge about the lifestyle or the general concern for our well being, it would be a challenge to accept.

It took about a week to tell the mothers, grandmothers, siblings and close friends. Despite my dreams, no one died, cried or even yelled. The general consensus was disappointment that the "big" news wasn't a new baby, followed by tons of questions about what the lifestyle actually means. Many even misunderstood and a few tried to correct me, "You mean mobile home." 

Once explained that we wanted to live in an MOTOR home instead of a traditional home, the concerns arose. The general concerns were: safety, money, storage, tornadoes and our personal belongings. Luckily, I do nothing without thinking, researching, praying, researching more, praying some more and again researching. So when these questions and concerns came about, I had answers. While I could tell some disagreed with our choice and plan, the ability to back the choice with well thought out answers quelled majority of the concerns. I had read many horror stories about the process of sharing the news with family, but luckily, we are blessed with people that love us and trust our decisions as long as they know we are safe, happy and healthy. What a blessing! After telling every one the news, what a relief and sweet dreams!

While the news was accepted, I must admit that relationships changed. Distance began to grow as differences, views, lifestyles, and hobbies evolved. We were never quite on the "same" page as others, but felt that we could relate. After living the lifestyle, I struggled to find "normal" topics of conversation so that I would feel connected to friends and family. For example, many people I know were gossiping about Whitney Houston's death. I was an avid fan growing up, and was saddened to hear of her passing. Yet, I was not as interested as my peers about if it was drug related, why Bobby left the funeral or who spoke at the memorial. I am more interested in good parks, new places and other outdoor adventures.

Some relationships remained strong, those were the ones that would survive a nuclear holocaust. Others, revealed a superficial relationship, ones that were based on areas that are undergoing drastic changes. While I am sad to see some relationships strained or lost, I welcome the growth in my life that creates these losses. Despite my mourning the lost relationships, I also welcome the transition and  the change it brings. And with this opportunity and change, I welcome the possibility of experiencing new people, places and adventures. 

“I don't paint dreams or nightmares, I paint my own reality.” 
― Frida Kahlo

“Nightmares exist outside of logic, and there's little fun to be had in explanations; they're antithetical to the poetry of fear.” 
― Stephen King

“A nightmare might force you awakened. 
The tough life might force you awakened.” 
― Toba Beta

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